


The Game

by JadelynTate



Category: Captain America, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Incredible Hulk (2008), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Phil Coulson, Coulson Lives, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 02:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadelynTate/pseuds/JadelynTate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve would really like to know what the hell this game his team are all playing is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Game

It started out innocently enough. Steve had been in the workshop, watching over Stark as he worked on his shield, when Darcy came in quietly behind the engineer and put a simple piece of paper on the desk with four words written on it in a tidy scrawl. Tony didn't really notice at first, just kept working, but when he finally took a break, he looked down and saw the note. 

"SON OF A BITCH!"

**~~*~~**

The second time something like that happened, it wasn't as obvious it was Darcy and it didn't happen to Tony. Steve and Clint had been sitting in the kitchen, watching Bruce cook something Steve thought was Thai, when Clint happened to glance over and see another note pinned to the bulletin board Tony had gotten installed as a joke but which turned out to be rather useful on occasion. It had the same four words written on it as before and, like Tony, Clint started swearing like a sailor as he snatched it up and crumpled it into a ball. 

"I lost--" 

"I know," Bruce said, looking over sympathetically and not a touch mischievous. "I did too, when she put it up." 

"I _will_ get back at her," Clint vowed and Bruce just laughed. 

Steve looked between the two of them but before he could ask what was going on, Clint took off in search of Natasha, Bruce finished cooking whatever it was he'd been cooking, and Betty wandered inside with drinks, so Steve left. 

**~~*~~**

He wanted to know what was going on but given it was obviously something the lab assistant was playing with specific people, he didn't feel it polite to intrude and ask her. It didn't seem like it was seriously harmful or dangerous--in fact Steve often found the sudden colorful commentary as to what Darcy could do with herself really funny--but it _was_ confusing. 

Watching Thor hand Natasha a note, her open it and then vow bloody vengeance on Tony, however, Steve decided he really needed to know what was going on and screw politeness. 

"What was in the note?" he asked Thor when Natasha sped off to track down either Darcy or Clint, Steve honestly wasn't sure which. 

"To tell you would cause you a most grievous loss," was all Thor said as he wandered out of the living room. Steve stared after him. 

What the hell?

**~~*~~**

Deciding he wanted to see what would happen if he put the note up himself, he wrote it out on the whiteboard in Bruce's lab and then took up position just out of sight to watch and listen. He felt only the briefest stabs of guilt for eavesdropping but that disappeared quickly. Despite what Tony wanted to think, Steve wasn’t as goody-goody as everyone assumed. 

Bruce was much more of a tactile researcher than Tony, keeping meticulous notes and actually using the physical white boards instead of the holographic ones JARVIS could put up, so it didn't take him long at all to realize something was amiss. 

“Damnit all to hell!” the scientist groaned as Betty wandered inside. He waved at the board. “I'm never going to get away from it!”

“Not likely,” Betty agreed with a grin.

“It's so childish!” Bruce ran a hand through his hair in aggravation. 

“But funny,” Betty replied. “Did you see what Tony did when Clint gave the note to Dummy to give to him?” 

Bruce chuckled at whatever memory had just sprang to mind. “I know it can be funny but...seriously, the only one on the team I don't think is actively playing is Steve and I'm pretty sure that's just because he doesn't know what the hell is going on.” 

“Which makes it even better, having so many people knowing about it,” Betty said. She took a sip of her coffee and then picked up a marker and turned the 'M' into an odd looking happy face. “Though we probably should tell him at some point.” 

“No, absolutely not,” Bruce replied firmly. “I'm having enough trouble keeping track of who I have to avoid as is!” 

“Hmmm,” Betty said, eying him over the rim of her cup. She smiled. “Bruce?”

“What?” he asked, eying her warily. She leaned over and whispered something in his ear. He groaned. 

“You are an evil, evil woman Betty Ross.” 

**~~*~~**

Steve decided enough was enough. It was obvious from his eavesdropping on Bruce and Betty that no one was going to actually going to tell him what the hell was going on. Sitting down at his computer, which was not as scary to him as Tony, again, kept insinuating, he quickly Googled the phrase and clicked the fourth link that popped up (he’d gotten too many scoldings from the other Avengers to simply go with the first, Wikipedia or not). 

Reading through the page, it all at once became very, very clear what everyone had been doing. Absently realizing he’d been losing without knowing it for ages, he snorted in amusement at one particular line that caught his eye: “there is always that one person out there who enjoys screwing with other’s minds.” His team had, to his observations, no less than three of such people—Tony, Clint, and Darcy all seemed to get a sick kick out of screwing with the rest. 

He looked at the other sites quickly, eyebrows going up at the “2,671, 829 infected” map on the one—he hadn’t thought it had gotten that far—before he closed his computer and leaned back in his chair to think. 

He could just ignore it, he knew, and hope it died a natural death. Thing is, given the ferocity of the group, he really didn’t see that happening anytime soon. Between Darcy, Tony, and Clint, one of them, he suspected, would bring it back eventually. 

So the thing would be to play without them realizing it and sit back and watch the chaos. A gleam entered his eye then and he looked up at the ceiling. “JARVIS?”

“Yes sir?” 

“I have a job for you.” 

**~~*~~**

The first step was easy. Making digital mission files with just the five words on them, he took them over to Coulson for his approval. To his astonishment, Coulson opened the top file, the one for Stark, took one look at it and started chuckling. 

“Please tell me this is a joke on them?” he asked and Steve slowly smiled, realizing he had an ally. 

“Think you can help me get Fury on board?”

“Yes,” Coulson’s reply was swift and decisive. Steve must have looked surprised because the agent gave him a look. “The Helicarrier agent’s have started playing.” 

Steve grinned.

**~~*~~**

“Anyone know what the mission is? Damnit, that hurt!”

That was Clint, who was currently thumb-wrestling with Darcy at the one end of the conference table. She rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. “Oh be quiet, you big baby,” she scolded. “It’s not even your dominant hand!”

“Both of my hands are dominant,” he said, leering slightly. Again, Darcy rolled her eyes. Steve hid a smile when Natasha reached over and smacked the back of his head. “Hey!” 

“Thank you,” Darcy told the redhead, who nodded back before turning to her staring contest with the SHIELD agent standing just inside the doors. Of course, it was less of a staring contest and more of a battle of “who’s going to pee his pants cause it sure as hell ain’t gonna be Natasha.”

“I’m surrounded by violent women,” Clint muttered. 

“Yes,” Jane agreed, cuddling with Thor next to Darcy. 

“I find it most invigorating,” Thor noted and more than one person stopped what they were doing to look at him. “What? I appreciate a woman who can defend herself.”

“Awww, we love you too, Thor,” Darcy cooed, leaning over Jane to kiss Thor’s cheek. Thor smiled back at her and returned the kiss, though to her forehead rather than her cheek.

“I’m surrounded by nutcases,” Steve heard Bruce murmur as he took a seat next to Tony, who was fiddling with his phone and already looking bored. Betty sat down calmly next to him. Steve looked around and realized everyone was there—he had to hide a grin. Perfect. 

“Alright, let’s get started,” Coulson said, coming inside with the stack of mission booklets. Steve caught his eye but neither man gave any outward sign as to their plan. 

“Any particular reason you called us here too?” Betty asked curiously. 

“We just need you to win,” Phil answered calmly, handing the briefs out. Steve watched as Tony immediately opened his with a lazy flick. His head tilted, a frown pulling at his lips, but before he could comment on the fact the electronic file was empty (things had gotten much more technological once Fury got on board) Steve saw Coulson discretely press a button. 

“SON OF A BITCH!”

“MOTHER FUCKER!”

“OH, FUCK ME!” 

Tony, Clint, and Darcy all swore at the same time. Looking down at his own brief, he saw the words they’d programmed to pop up on the screens at the same time. Natasha was muttering furiously in Russian and Bruce was groaning as Betty and Jane both started laughing. Thor tossed his file on the table and growled something that the AllSpeak either couldn’t or wouldn’t translate. 

“What the hell, Agent Agent?” Tony demanded. “Since when do you play?!” 

“Since the agents on the helicarrier started playing and Fury wanted to know why two little words were enough to make former marines look like they wanted to cry,” Coulson answered promptly. Clint and Natasha both snickered so Steve figured they knew what that was about. “We can’t stop it, that’s fairly obvious, but Fury wanted you to know we’re aware of the game and as long as it doesn’t interfere with your independent duties, you can play to your hearts content.” 

“Steve, you must be so confused right now,” Bruce said, looking down the table at him. “We should have told you sooner—”

“On the contrary, this entire scheme was Steve’s idea,” Coulson said and every head swiveled to stare at him incredulously. Steve just smirked back, leaning in his chair. He contemplated crossing his arms behind his head but decided that would be too over the top. The conference room was silent for several minutes before Darcy and Clint both began giggling and Tony leaned forward, holding out a closed fist for Steve to bump. Rolling his eyes, Steve obligingly held up his own. 

“Of course you do realize this means you’re in the game for life now,” Bruce said, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“I was always in the game…I was just winning the longest,” he answered. “Or losing, depending on how you look at it. 

“Alright, alright,” Tony said, looking at him speculatively. “You’re fair game now. Good to know.”

Deciding it had to be said, Steve smiled at the other man. “Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“You lost the game.”

**Author's Note:**

> You've all just lost the game. 
> 
> The links Steve went to for those curious: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-game  
> http://www.losethegame.com/


End file.
